The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
