Your face is a jimmy john
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
