if you like me you must not know who I am
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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