I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
