I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
