cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
