I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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