My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
