She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
