Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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