I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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