Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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