Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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