when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize