he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
