You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
