Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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