I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
