I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
