do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My vagina just clenched in fear
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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