mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
