He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
