we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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