You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize