I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
