Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
