What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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