she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize