He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
