two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
