Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
