don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
