Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize