I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
