It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
