umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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