im drinking this country out of the recession.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
