That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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