..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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