everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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