sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
