Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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