i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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