so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
