I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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