i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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