you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
