Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize