I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
