You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
