Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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