I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
