If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize