Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
