Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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