im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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