shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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