so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
