once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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