I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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