Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
