oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, beer. Big fan.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
