your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize