did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
