Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
