Whod you bang
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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