i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
