I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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